Building a Community, Developing Trust & Achieving Happiness
A community is where they know your name and miss you when you are gone, according to Jonathan Sacks, the Chief Rabbi of England.
I like that definition. It’s so personal. It’s a bit like the sitcom “Cheers.”
Is a real community the same as a virtual community? I have been struggling with that question recently.
I have been trying to build on online community for the sole purpose of helping my business grow. I started a blog and joined LinkedIN, though I have not touched Facebook or myspace.
From my perspective, the real advantage of online communities is that space and time are nonfactors. Anyone anyplace in the world can be in my virtual community. I can answer them at my leisure and get responses in my e-mail’s inbox.
If you believe the hype, being part of an online community seems like the fastest way to riches and success. Lots of friends. More business. But is it? What is the purpose of an online community and how can it benefit me?
I am still trying to decide if being active in online communities is for me. Will the more I read and post develop new friends and generate more business? Does the 8th grader featured in today’s Raleigh newspaper really have 1.4 million fans?
Or is being online a huge time sucking trap? It seems that the more online I am, the less time I have to actually run my business or to meet and talk with real people? It seems like I spend too much of my day in front of computer screen already.
I want to explore how a real community, according to my definition, works.
Let me tell you about myself. I am not a very sociable person. Doesn’t mean I don’t like people. It just means I can be content to stay at home and watch TV and not feel obligated to go to parties or other social events just to be doing something.
I am not particularly shy, but I don’t think I am an extrovert, either.
In my definition, my Toastmaster group is a community. People know my name here – and they know when I am not here. As a side benefit, I have developed business relations that have helped my bottom line.
But being a member of a community means accepting obligations – and I think that is the part that many people in today’s society fail to realize.
Paying my dues may make me a club member, but that is not the same as being a being a member of the Talkmaster community.
Having an e-mail address and a password may make me a member of LinkedIn, but is that the same as being in a community?
It’s the difference between involvement and commitment. I often tell the story of the breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken is involved in the breakfast, but the pig was committed.
I am committed to Toastmasters, and especially this club. I understand that my obligation to this club means that I show up on a regular basis, do roles that are assigned to me and support others. In return, I get support for my efforts. I grow and my confidence to handle situations expands.
I am not so sure what my responsibilities and obligations are to my online community. Does my anonymity allow me a free pass? Is anything expected of me?
An ideal community nurtures trust. I trust all of you will make great speeches and have the capacity to learn and grow. You have faith that I will do a decent job – and even applaud me for my efforts!
Being a member of a community takes time and consistency. Everyone wants instant gratification, but it takes time to cultivate relationships. In an online community, it’s too easy to login and make comments – and then leave.
I believe that being a part of a real community is a key to health and happiness. My son, Daniel, took a course on happiness from the Harvard professor who wrote a book about it. It’s not about wealth. Instead, it’s about having an understanding of what makes you tick and the confidence in your own abilities. A good community builds that self-esteem that you have to earn.
The challenge is to be part of community where people share the same goals – and the goals are positive. My definition of a community also describes a criminal gang. And not every member of a community may share your goals. Bernie Madoff was certainly an outstanding member of the Jewish community – until he was found out to be running a huge Ponzi scheme.
So, I come back to my original question – can an online community replace a real community? It certainly can in expanding my horizons and contacts. Will it increase my business by being active? Possibly. Is it worth the time and effort? The jury, for me, is still out.
However, only a real community made up of actual people can help me in terms of personal growth and satisfaction. It takes effort and commitment, but it is certainly worth the effort.
